Kelly Brook is Perfect

by Justin Banks

I used to not 'get' Kelly Brook.  You could tell she was hot and all but there was something missing.  Maybe it because she actually seems too nice to fuck deepthroat take out for a nice dinner, because she has an Essex accent, or because I don't think her boobs are as impressive out of her clothes.  Disappoinaboobs.  Anticlimaboobs.
It doesn't matter any more.

Kelly is still beautiful, pale, has *prepare for gayness* unbelievable hair and lady squidge in all the right places but now she dresses up like Princess Leia too.  Like any other person with a penis in the 80s I spent about 74% of my pre-teens confused as to why a beautiful half-naked woman on the end of a chain was so interesting that I worked my way through 3 VHS copies of Return of the Jedi and more Leia action figures than was strictly necessary or remotely healthy.  Leia also gets with Han Solo, who is defo one far far away player who I aim to emulate but without the wookie because Khloe Kardashian has a busy schedule.  Giant giant bitch.  Anywho, Kelly is now officially hotter than a fire convention on the surface of the sun and I would fly there to see her in that outfit.  And she's doing Playboy.