Mark Cavendish yesterday completed his transformation from all conquering bell end to loveable comeback underdog hero. Having spent the last few seasons on an unrelenting two pronged campaign of being much better than his rivals and not giving a fuck about offending people, Cav was shocked to learn that being a cocky winner was making him unpopular in Britain. Sources close to Cav have hinted that confusion may have arisen from the fact that Cav is from the Isle of Man and was tricked by his old geography teacher into believing that the water between the Isle of Man and mainland Britain was indeed the Atlantic Ocean and that Cav therefore grew up believing he was in fact American.
Realising the error of his ways, Cav has committed himself to a more British approach in the early stages of this TdF by being steadfastly mediocre. Even when his competitive urges were reawakened by fellow confident success team mate Mark Renshaw, Cav differed from his former bad boy routine of pissing on his congratulatory flowers, flicking his rivals off and having a champagne soaked threesome on stage with the two PR presentation girls by crying and giving a convincingly head bowed, shoulders hunched speech about how this was about the team and how he just wanted to repay their faith.
Is this the new Cav? Find out later today when Cav takes to the top step of the podium after putting his new found British support at risk by winning again.
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